dibya’s blogosphere

Almost everyone have heard the hit single ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone. Bobby Mcferiin’s simple message surely made a lot of people by telling them not to worry.

Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.
One of the better things ever said is – ‘The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change’, and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change.

Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, accept people for who or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along with well with
Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also more healthy.
To be happy is relatively easy, just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.

There are several ways by which you can do this.

Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mails, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.
News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can’t start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.
A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace.

Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.
Laugh and laugh heartily everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -’Laughter is the best medicine’.

Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.
Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us, they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.
Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons. And could also give us more opportunities in the future.

Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.

Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places.

These are the few simple things you can do everyday to be happy.

Take a vacation!

And always remember the quote from Abraham Lincoln, he says that, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Some time ago, I had a friend come to me. They were in desperate need of my services as a therapist to help them overcome some of the challenges in their life.
Bill, as we will call him here, was unhappy, suicidal, virtually bankrupt and generally not in a good place.
I worked with him for three straight hours, helping him resolve his issues and create an action plan so he could move on and break through the blocks that were holding him back.
After the session Bill apologised to me for being in such a bad way and asked what he could do in return for all the help that I had given him.

As you do in this sort of situation, I just smiled and said nothing, it’s my pleasure to help.

He looked at me and said, “But I’ve got to do something to repay you for everything you’ve done for me.” The look of worry and concern on his face for not being able to pay me back struck me.
At that moment, I had a revelation. I could insist that he did nothing and send him on his way. But However, I looked at his face and realised that he really wanted to give something in return for what he had received.
I realised that the best way I could give anything to him at this point was to accept his offer and say yes. Doing this, I honoured him and I made him feel very special and wanted.

I replied to him, “Do whatever you feel appropriate.”

He smiled, agreed, and changed the subject.

A few days later I had a phone call from Bill. He told me how well he was doing and how good life was feeling for the first time for months. He also invited me over to his house the next Friday night. I asked what for and he just said, “Just be there at 7pm.”

There was no arguing with him.

7pm Friday arrived and I rang his doorbell. He opened the door and smiled when he saw me. “Welcome, come in Jason, it is lovely to see you,” he shook my hand firmly and ushered me in the house.
He then looked at me and said, “You did so much for me the other night, I know you are a really busy person and I just wanted to do something to thank you.”
Now Bill knew me pretty well and knew that two of my biggest passions were books and pizza. I have thousands of books on all sorts of subjects and collect them passionately.

He sat me down and gave me a glass of wine and we chatted for a while. Eventually Bill said, “Now, you did a lot for me the other day and I really appreciate it. I can’t afford to pay you fully for your time.”

At that point I started to mutter that it was not necessary, he was a friend, and so on.

However, he continued anyway, “So I have a little something for you instead.”

He pulled a box out from under the coffee table and passed it to me. “These are for you to say thank you.”

“You didn’t need to,” I said, feeling a little uncomfortable, and I opened the box. Inside were a stack of old paperbacks. I pulled them out and started to look through.

“It’s not much I know, but I know how much you love books, and I had these in the attic and thought you would really appreciate them.” Bill looked at me, a huge smile on his face.

The box contained about two dozen self-help classics dating from the 1950′s. I was surprised and amazed.

“I want you to have this as a thank you for everything you have done for me and for helping me get myself sorted again.” Just then the doorbell rung and Bill jumped up with an even bigger smile on his face, “Pizza’s here” He said as he bounded to the door.
By giving Bill the chance to give something back for what I had done for him, it had boosted his self-worth. It had made him feel good because he had felt an obligation to me. This has been termed “The Law of Reciprocation”. That is, when you do something for someone else, they feel obliged to do something back. By allowing them to do so, you can help to make them feel better about themselves and more worthwhile.
Next time someone offers to give you something, ask yourself if it is better for you to receive than give in that situation; by receiving you can often give more than you can imagine.

I’ve been observing the tremendous power our interpretations of events have to influence our bodies, our moods, and our ability to be present and notice what is.

An example: My knee started hurting about two weeks ago. Having had my share of knee injuries and two surgeries, I quickly assumed (or interpreted) the pain to mean something was seriously wrong with my knee. I told myself my days of being a yoga queen were over and I might as well forget the book I’ve been cooking on the back burner about movement and creativity.
I stopped exercising. I ignored my knee and my body, told myself I was getting old and beat myself up for not being able to participate in extreme sports. (Never mind that I don’t like extreme sports, I should be able to do those wild things anyway.)
Yesterday, I (finally) went to an orthopedic doctor to have my knee checked out (or ground my assessment of disaster). He offered me his interpretation (based on x-rays, hands on tests, and his opinion) that my knee was in solid shape. What I am probably experiencing is “wear and tear”, (sounds like I’ve gone through the wash cycle a few too many times) and perhaps a small tear in my cartilage.

Oh.

Given his assessment, my mood and my ability to be in and move my body changed – instantly. Suddenly, I was (literally) leaping around his office, flexing that joint, calculating how many yoga classes I could get in that week. My interpretation of the sensation in my knee had changed – the twinge, the catch, the discomfort was no longer “serious,” it was just wear and tear. YET THE SENSATIONS WERE THE SAME.
Look at the power of our minds to decide what is or is not possible! Before I walked into the doctor’s office, I was carrying a heavy story that I was broken and doomed. 10 minutes later, I was ready to climb Mt. Rainer. And nothing physical had changed.

Instead of saying to myself, “Hmm… This is a new sensation in my knee. Let me take a moment to feel this. Hmmm… When I stand I feel something different, a catch. And my knee feels like I don’t want anybody to touch it.” That is all that is. Everything else is an interpretation, an assessment, a story.

If I remain in the sensation of my knee, without having to decide what it is, the field of possibilities is huge. Yet over and over again, I assess, I limit, I decide and I think THIS IS THE WAY IT IS. THIS IS THE TRUTH.
I must remind myself (constantly) that I am making an assessment of what is and my assessment is only one possible choice. There are many possible choices. Some assessments are grounded (my assessment about my knee is now based on the information from my doctor) but it still isn’t the truth.
Nobody really knows what is going on with my knee unless someone opens it up, and even then we could have some disagreement. Forgetting that I am making assessments and subsequent choices can be costly, for at the very least, it takes me out of the present, and at the very worst, it leads me to live my life within a very limited and limiting box.

Paying attention to what is means we must stop and be in the present moment. It asks us to become more comfortable with not knowing, with not having a pat answer or action to take, simply noticing what is happening in our body or our mood or our relationships – to observe the world. It is human nature to interpret and assess ourselves, other people, and events constantly – and that’s okay, it is one of the ways we stay safe and take care of our complex lives.
It is when assessments run our lives without us questioning whether it has any grounding and without paying attention to what we are experiencing that we lose our ability to create our lives. Self-care is rooted in paying attention to what is.

If you follow these 5 steps, no doubt you will get everything you want!

1. What you need first is to have a strong desire. A desire like a fire! Not like a little flame you have to stir to get some heat going. No, you need a strong desire, you must really want to have what you long for! If you want something badly, but you didn’t get it until now, it is your desire was not strong enough! You must really feel the desire to have it in your bones, in your flesh, in your heart. The desire is the starting point, because without passion nothing can happen.

2. Now you need to set goals. Why? To know where to go! Without goals your desire will get you nowhere and you will turn around in circles like a dog who runs after his own tail. A goal gives you a reason, a purpose. The word goal means to GO ALl the way to get there! Your goal is your direction where your desire will take you. If you’re able to see with your mind’s eye what you want, you will have it. So the more details you see, the more concrete is your mental image, the more likely you will get exactly what you long for! Goals get your energy running. Goals generate the necessary activity to bring you towards the realization of your dream. A good goal is a statement of what you want, in a positive, clear, concrete way and with emotion (remember the fire! Without emotion, without fire, no outcome!). A goal should be written down, to give it more energy, and should be stated in the present time. You write your goal down as if you got it already. And start to act as if you were
already there!

3. You must believe in yourself. You must really be conscious of the fact that you are worth to have what you desire and that you are able to get it, that you got everything you need to realize your dream. Yes you can! Maybe you do not know for now how to get there, but believe in the fact that you will learn step by step how to do it and that you will be guided on your way by co?ncidences and syncronicity.

4. A strong desire, a clear positive goal, a strong believe in yourself, what else does it need to make your dreams come true? Positive thinking! The most beautiful dream, the strongest desire and the clearest goal will bring you nowhere if you destroy yourself with a negative belief system. If you have this lousy habit of seeing everything rather black than white, of fearing the worst, of expecting bad things to happen, this mindset will bring you what you ask for : black, fear, bad. A positive mindset lifts you up to the level of universal creation and the universe will conspire with you to give you what you long for.

5. Consistency. Yes, it is easy to start things. It is easy to quit. But it takes consistency to stay on your road. Did you ever taste the freedom which lies in the fact that, after years and years of practicing the same thing, you became an expert in something? With your eyes closed you can answer any question on the subject and produce almost any result you want? You are an expert now because you did the same thing hundreds of times, over and over again. And now you know! What a freedom! Consistency, not giving up, always going on in the same direction, this brings you freedom at last. Why? Because you don’t need to think and to search anymore on your subject. It became a habit and you have space free in your mind to learn new more demanding stuff. Stay on your road, go on and on, every step will take you to more freedom, happiness and mastery of your life!

We, as human beings, are suffering uselessly. We are walking around protecting, struggling and trying to force life. We are hurt and offended by someone’s crooked face. We are wasting so much time and energy worrying about other’s approval or unapproval, scheming and manipulating and doing everything we can possibly think of to make everything go our way, so we can feel O.K. about ourselves. It is a recipe for failure and unhappiness and unless we learn a new way, we will continue to suffer. Aren’t you tired of it? Haven’t you suffered enough? Unfortunately, people still live in hell, they live in misery, with problems up one side and down the other and I can hear them say, “Life is good? Are you kidding? Get a grip!”

I want to wrap my arms around them and say, “No, really, there is another way. It will not be easy to remember, but there is something else going on if you can look hard enough, long enough and deeply enough. You, too, will see it, you will feel it and you will know without a shadow of a doubt, that the you, that IS you, is more than anything you could have ever imagined.” Our journey is to remember, and, the remembering is good, oh, so good.

This is bigger than being a little positive now and again; this is about living in a completely different paradigm. It is living in the stream of blessing, harmony and flow. Who wouldn’t want that? However, most will never do the inner work, most will never take that much responsibility for their life, for they would rather blame someone else and believe only in what they see as truth. We either wake up to the fact that we have something to do with creating our reality or we can continue to live in hell. It is that simple.

Well, that is not for me. Not that I haven’t lived in hell and in limbo and everywhere in between. I have done my share of struggling and crying and have spent plenty of time “in the closet”. What? You don’t know what “in the closet” is? Ask my sisters, or your sisters, or your mother, or your father’s mother; they will know. It is when you cannot take another minute of life. The closet is the darkest place in the house, and no one can find you. Yes, I can share my pain with you, but what is more important is how to transform our pain, take the gift, rise above it and begin to live the good life. Life is good when we are seeing it right. Life is good, even if it looks bad. Life is good regardless of what is going on right now. Life is good because you say so. And, if you say so, the Universe simply knows “Yes”. Your curriculum is your life. Your participation is not optional. The degree of your suffering is.

When I first mention this to most people, they really don’t get it, so here is a simple formula for keeping your moods upbeat.
Audio books and music can be used as tools for motivation.
The audio book is such a great motivational and learning tool, while you are commuting, or just out for a drive by yourself. I mention “by yourself” because, ideally, you should spend quality time with people in your car.
You can learn so much about life and a self-improvement audio book can keep you motivated all day long.
When I first started listening to audio books it was during commuter traffic through Providence and Boston. I would show up to meetings relaxed, with fresh ideas, and motivated. When people asked me the secret, I told them about the magic of audio books.

Most of them never asked me again, thought I was some strange eternal optimist, and never bothered to try an audio book.
Unfortunately, many people are slaves to stress, and don’t want to change anything. They go about their lives with a perfect recipe for a heart attack and high blood pressure.

Here is the ultimate recipe for a very sad and short life.
You must combine “running late” to work, high volume traffic, the daily latte, a high stress job, and show up barely on time or late.
Some people are, what I call, “mad at the world.” They drive from one intersection to the next, making gestures at everyone. Some of these people can be helped, while others go through a daily cycle of frustration and even invite violence.

Now, let’s get back to you. As long as you stay aware, you have control over your motivation, moods, and level of optimism. So, take charge by plugging yourself into positive energy with books, audio books, music, and positive people.

A friend once told us this amusing fact: his huge Rottweiler is afraid of cats. His story goes that when the dog was a young pup, it tried the usual dog-hates-cats snarling and snapping technique on an older cat. Unfazed, the cat coolly let the pup have his merry way. The cat probably got irritated after a while and without warning, a feline claw lashed the dog’s sensitive nose. The poor dog probably felt that it was the worst pain he’ll ever feel that he associated cats with it. From then on, he gave cats a wide berth. Even when he grew the size of a small horse and could probably swallow a whole cat without effort, they still lorded over him. This huge beast, which can reduce grown men to quaking, is afraid of little cute cats.

We can laugh about the absurdity of this pair but come to think of it, don’t we all have our “little cute cats”? Don’t we all have those little fears that shaped us into what we are now? Wasn’t there a particularly painful experience that taught us to react to things in a particular way?

As little kids, we were constantly barraged with lessons on what to do and what not to do. It could be as instructional as ‘don’t play with matches’; ‘don’t talk to strangers’; ‘eat vegetables’ and so on. These got ingrained in your system that doing it became automatic. That’s great but what if you were constantly told ‘you’re not good enough’; ‘your grades are lower than so-and-so’; ‘you’re not pretty’; ‘you’re fat’ etc.? Unfortunately, yes, this negative outlook got into your psyche too. Like a dormant computer virus, it got embedded into your programming. Let’s say you were always told that you’re ugly. You grew up thinking that and each time you try to improve your looks, this ‘virus’ creeps up and tells you ‘don’t bother, you’re ugly’. As it has been in your subconscious for so long, you believe it and will just go on as you are. Substitute the word ‘ugly’ with ‘fat’ or ‘stupid’ or any of those degrading terms and you get the drift.

Would you like to go on like that all the time? Well, pretty much like a computer, you can also give your subconscious an anti-virus to counteract the negatives. The simplest way is to constantly affirm a positive mantra to drown out the negatives. You are, in fact, reprogramming yourself when you do this. Say ‘I am smart and I can_____ (replace with whatever you want to do)’ or whatever variation you can think of. It might take a lot of willpower, practice and time to get accustomed to this new program though. Say it repeatedly, whenever you have a free moment, until it becomes real to you. Remember that all the negatives came about because you heard it all your life. Hearing positives will work the same way.

Unlike my friend’s , we can be smart enough to realize that we are bigger than our ‘cute cats’ and they better stay off our paths when we tell them to go away.

The saying that “you can do whatever you can put your mind to,” is true. If you have read the success stories of countless men and women’s rise to the top, you would note that there is a lot of dreaming involved. Some took dreaming to a higher level. When Eva Longoria did not win the title crown in her first attempt at a beauty pageant, she set her mind to winning it the next year by working her hardest to immerse herself in being the Miss Corpus Christi. She lived and breathed getting the crown by watching videos over and over and immersing herself and basically focusing on being the queen that she knew she had to be.

She had what we need to have to reach our own crowns: tenacity, focus, and the will to visualize.
Visualizing your way to success needs commitment and focus. You have to want your goal so bad that you are willing to do everything it takes to get there. You have to do what Eva Longoria did: live and breathe your goal.

But first, be very clear about your goal. Believe in it, commit to seeing it through to the moment you attain it and beyond. And then you can start visualizing.

We have heard of overweight people who would post pictures on their refrigerator pictures of the people they would want to look like. And that is a good start. Surround yourself with pictures of what you want to be, or what you want to attain; that way you would see your goal with crystal clarity.

Next is, you should start waking up with your goal in mind. You may want to think of it just a few moments in a day, or you can constantly think about it. Do not allow yourself to believe that your dreams are too far to reach. Just keep yourself focused on the goal, and nothing else. If you do flounder, pick yourself back up, and go back to focusing on your goal.

Next is, line up your options in attaining that goal. Choose the best path for you, no matter how easy or hard, as long as you’re comfortable with it and would stick with it. If something happens that you get frustrated with that path, strike out on the other options. Keep trying until you see your path opening up, and you see yourself progressing towards your goal.

It is not enough to do all these unless you arm yourself with knowledge. If there is something that keeps people frustrated and drifting, it will be the lack of knowledge. Learn everything there is to learn about your goal. And use this knowledge to progress on your path.

Keep on dreaming, while making the concrete steps. Seize every opportunity leading yourself to your goals, and when setbacks come, pick yourself up and walk on. Remember that you are only a failure when you succumb to the temptation to quit.

Remember that no mountain is too steep to climb. We just have to put one foot in front of the other. A 30-inch pizza is finished off one bite, one slice at a time. Surely, no goal would be too impossible. Just live, breathe, and eventually attain, your dreams.

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing,” counseled Abraham Lincoln.

This resolution is made up of three essential features.

Success happens when you follow a simple three-step formula.

One, success happens when you have a clear idea of where you want to go.

Two, success happens when you have a strong feeling about the value of what you are doing.

Three, success happens when you are able to do the physical work necessary to rearrange the world to meet with your vision.

Miss any of these three steps and you get what most people get: a life of mediocrity and failure.

Pursue these three steps and you get what most people long for: a life of success, where all needs are effortlessly met.

Thus, success consists of three essential parts: thinking, feeling, and acting.

The thinking stage is making discoveries, creating choices, fashioning goals, and outlining commitments.

This conceptual stage is then followed by an emotional stage.

The emotion is the fuel that fires up the ideas.

This emotional energy is enthusiasm, or en theos which means to be filled with divine energy.

Once we have recognized our goals, we have to feel them.

This feeling stage is what brings the ideas to life.

Once these feelings build up, they form passion. When you are passionate about something, then you are highly motivated and are ready to act.

“You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an inner exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world.”

Without strong feelings about your goals, they will be squelched by your own inner comfort zone and your own limiting beliefs.

Furthermore, a single word of criticism from someone or a single obstacle along the way is enough to stop you completely.

Thus, your enthusiasm, your passion, your burning desire is the fuel that converts ideas into actions, and these actions, in turn, will change the shape of your world.

The final stage, then, is action. When you move toward your aspirations, things start to shift and change both within you and around you. Like a blacksmith, you have to hammer the shape of your ideas on the anvil of action.

Yet premature action is foolish. Action that is tempered with a clear ideas and galvanized with passion is action that will get you where you want to go.

The inclination to just act alone is not helpful. Heading in the wrong direction is not of much benefit to you. And acting without burning desire is action that will soon collapse into inertia again.

As you pursue these three essential steps to success, you will create excellence. And you will also find that there is little competition on the road to excellence.

What is attitude? It is what you think, believe, feel, expect, act, in relation to yourself, life, people, and your goals. Attitude can be positive or it can be negative; it can be limiting or it can be expanding; if you have a positive attitude, you feel alive, well, loved, happy, liked, confident,…you feel good; if you have a negative attitude, you feel angry, resentful, fearful, depressed, anxious, hopeless,… you feel bad. Your feelings are your thermometer to your attitude and, as we will see below, your life is the mirror to your attitude.

Now, how is your attitude, how is your dominant attitude? Is it positive, and expanding, or is it negative and limiting? What do you think you can achieve? Who do you think you are? What do you think about yourself? What do you think about other people? Do you think they are out there to get you or to help you? Do you expect to be liked by people or do you expect to be ‘judged’? Do you expect to be lucky? Do you expect to achieve your goals? Do you expect that life is going to be difficult, that you will have to struggle to make money, or do you expect life is wonderful and enjoyable?

Your expectations determine what will happen in your life, as very simply, what you expect, you get. So, if you are not sure of what your expectations really are, take a look at your life: whatever you have in your life right now is a reflection of who you are inside and the vibrations you send out. If you are struggling with money, with your health, with a relationship, with your job, with people, it means that somewhere your attitude is not healthy. So, if you want to change your life, you need to change yourself, you need to change your attitude.

In fact, a healthy attitude is when you feel good about yourself, when you know that you will achieve your goals, when you know people will like and love you, when you know that things will work out, when you know you are precious and the Universe is conspiring to your happiness. A healthy attitude is when you love people, when you love yourself, when you thank God for who you are and for all the wonderful gifts you have, for all the people you have in your life, for all that has happened to you, because that has made you the person you are today.

So, your attitude towards yourself has a strong impact on your self-love, on the way you treat yourself, and so, on your health- mental, emotional, and physical. Your attitude towards people will have a strong impact on the response you will get from them, because if you love them, if you are grateful, if you appreciate them, if you are kind, they will love you back. So, three emotions are a key to great relationships: gratitude, kindness and love. In fact, as the most important needs of any human being are the need for connection, the need to feel appreciated and the need to feel loved, and everything that happens in your life happens through people, whether is in your personal or professional life, you need to have a very positive attitude here. And this means always, really always, look at the positive and best in people, you included. Look at the positive in people and circumstances, and they will become that, you will take out the best from them, and you will attract more of that. And look at the best in you, in how extraordinary and unique you truly are, look at your gifts, qualities and strengths, and you will develop a healthy esteem and love for yourself.

And your attitude towards life will determine your success or failure, whether you will achieve your goals and be the best you can be, or whether you are going to struggle. Now, your attitude towards your goals is also something more than that, because the expectation of achievement whether is the person you want to become or a goal you want to achieve, makes you become that person and achieve what you want before you actually have done it. It is the Law of Attraction. And the more you have expectations and you take actions to achieve your goals, the faster you are going to achieve them. So, let us suppose you want to be confident or you want to be successful, if you have the attitude and the expectations of being confident and successful, you are going to feel confident and successful already now. It is simply a shift in your consciousness.

Now, let us suppose you have developed a healthy attitude towards yourself, life, people, and your goals. What do you do when you encounter negative people or negative circumstances? What do you do when somebody gets angry at you? What do you do when you are driving and someone cuts in your way? Well, we need to develop an immune attitude, learn to be immune to negativity. You need to learn not to let anything disturb your peace of mind. You can simply ignore it and smile it away. And think that things are temporary, that if you have a great attitude, you will create a life where you have all that you desire and deserve, a wonderful life, guaranteed.